


Freshman Mistakes

by xy_lasszxy



Series: Summer In Garrison [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Out of Character, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:36:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18877960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xy_lasszxy/pseuds/xy_lasszxy
Summary: Keith Kogane seems to be growing up faster than he is ready for. After a testing summer and the beginning of self-exploration, he finds himself among the big dogs--emerged in a world of poor time management, tough grading, and sex. However as he begins to explore himself, he begins to be introduced to the world he currently lives in and the epidemic which is causing more hysteria than support.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> First of all, I feel I owe you guys an apology. I get more artist's block than I do the inspiration and the will to write. It took me a while to decide whether I wanted to continue writing for this fic because the amount of time it took to actually get where we are today. 
> 
> But I read over what I've already wrote to continue and to commit to an old New Year's Resolution

When he had been around eleven or twelve, St. Theresa’s Seminary for the Gifted had been home to most of his childhood memories. Well, the most problematic ones anyways. Keith always knew that he was different. However, to just proclaim being gay so recently in his young life was weirdly the most honest he had been to himself besides those young dog days. In those times, there was negotiating. No sorting through, no processing, no having to understand what those words would have meant, or how that meant the world was going to see him—everything was simpler. Everything he had done, he did— it because he wanted to. It made him happy. 

As straight out of a gay romance novel as it had sounded, one of the first kisses was with a young man named Auriel Scott. Whether it was for a stick of chewing gum or just fishing out the one he already had in his mouth, they always found excuses to kiss each other. The rules were simplistic enough; it wasn’t gay if it meant that you were trying to get something. It was always gum, or candy, that each other wanted—so they weren’t gay, they were just doing business.

Keith chuckled at the thought. When he had joined soccer as a kid, he then started to kiss Nicholas O’Reilly when they waited for their parents to come to pick them up. Usually, they continued to play soccer until one of the cars pulled up just outside of the field. However, there were times where they were curious. Keith remembered—it wasn’t gay still, because they were just helping each other out. Back then, Nick and he would have to grow up one day, right? What was more grown-up than asking girls out? Some evenings, Keith was the girl. Others, Keith was the guy—and at the end of the kiss, they would always grade each other. Nick always got A’s. Keith, well—he started out with C’s, but his performance improved over time.

Looking back there were so many signs back then, it almost made Keith wonder why he had trouble facing it back then? Why he had been so quick to forget himself. He couldn’t blame himself too much though. It’s not as if it were hard to forget. There had ever been two boys at Garrison High to ever come out as being gay. Well, more accurately, there were ever two boys to be accused of being gay, in where one decided to not respond to the rumors at all, while the others made sure to convince others he wasn’t. Needless to say, those two weren’t treated well by students, (or faculty, but the latter was the harder of the two to prove). To just think that he was still navigating all this was well...surreal.

Summer seemed to come in whispers, though it hadn’t been long since Keith had been here. He still remembered what he felt already was a former self, how it haunted him in both the worst and best ways. How his feelings really hadn’t changed for Shiro but had been tamed—and as he reminisced, he thanked the universe for that progress alone. Though, unfortunately, now it felt that nothing else could make them permanently go away. _No one_ could make them go away—as far as Keith knew he would be stuck with these butterflies forever. These heatwaves and splashes of cool, the battles between and ice and fire throughout the nerves in his body. He wondered if Shiro had ever felt that way….

 _Oh shit_ ; it’s as if every time he had managed to forget, something crept on him to help him to remember. Shiro was still in love with his Aviation professor, Lotor. And he saw his Aviation professor every Monday and Wednesday, knowing already so much he probably should have never been told. Yet, here he was.

Although, the way Lotor sounded in Shiro’s summer saga didn’t even come close to the Lotor he had met in class. Lotor, now at least, reminded him of a silver-haired Snape, with all of his funny bones removed as a child. He always walked around the classroom, not because he needed to walk around and move his legs or wanted to engage with his students like other professors. He walked around to keep an eye on them—Keith could feel the hair rising on his neck when he passed, hands clinched with a yardstick. Stereotypically stern. All of his jokes were teases, all of his laughs short and atmosphere shifting. Whenever he smiled, it was usually at a student’s demise. Whenever a student may have not known an answer (that was “clearly” in the reading), he would scoff before averting his eyes to some other student who may have. Whenever a student may have had a, well—weak question, Lotor would respond by not responding at all. If the student insisted, Lotor simply waved them off with,” If there is no better question, than you have your answer.”

Keith had managed to stay invisible for the _moment_ , it would be a blessing if he could stay that way. Yet, there was something inside of him that _begged_ to ask what he knows what would probably end his college career early. He looks completely as Shiro had described him, his youthful look still intact spite the Snape complex he had going on. He yearned to know what happened, what stopped Lotor from loving Shiro? What else was there not explained?

 _Pluck._ Keith rubbed his earlobe before turning to find the culprit, rolling his eyes at the faintest curve of a smile from Ryan.

Keith gave a faint-smile back, setting his book down. He had been sitting within the freshmen hall quad, where tribes had already formed within the grass, on the ground with their makeshift picnics. Or in lines against the walls of gossiping girls and boys. He found himself a stone seat near the quad’s cherry blossom tree and brought along a book to look busy with when he would begin to drift into his own thoughts. Ryan looked around, taking notice of the surroundings, a couple of his own books in his hand.

“Bored of everybody, already?”

“Everyone seems to have known each other already…”

“Where’s your friend?”

Keith laughed through his nose. “Making friends.”

Ryan looked at his watch before looking back at Keith. “You’re hungry?”

As Keith nodded, he held out his hand. “Come on, I guess I have time to play tour guide.”

“Funny…” Keith grunted as the stronger boy pulled him to his feet.

It had been good to see Pidge getting the restart she needed; as far as Keith could tell, she had been extremely happy. Whenever they had the time, she would talk about whatever new gossip she found, as always. They would grab lunch in between classes, or even meet up early enough before classes. She had been glowing; her hair began to grow, and her frames, though still a bit oversized and sliding down the bridge of her nose, making the shape of her face noticeable. Pidge was a cutie.

As for Keith, well…it seemed as if he still needed to find his footing, he guessed anyway. He was on time for classes, which he found to be a victory within itself, he was told that he was going to gain ‘the Freshman 15’ if he hadn’t started to get out more, so…that counts for something, right? He meditated on it as he tore into his taco, Ryan playing with his own food before speaking. His voice was clear, deep.

“Don’t worry about Aviation. Lotor’s really not a bad teacher. He’s just adamant in students actually fucking trying.”

Keith chewed,” Hmm?”

“You in Aviation. You look like you’ve seen a ghost every time.”

Keith smiled, shaking his head before taking a swallowing his food. “He just seems familiar, I guess. I can’t tell whether I actually have met him before or if I just feel that way…”

Ryan shrugged, “I guess he just has one of those faces.”

“Yeah; you said you had one of his classes last semester?”

“Yeah, I took Spatial Principles in History. I’m technically his research assistant, but we haven’t really discussed what to do for this semester.”

“And that’s _good_?”

“Yeah, that’s _good._ Honestly, he’s one of the better professors on campus.”

“I have a suspicion that you’re just more advanced than the rest of us.”

“I mean I can’t be the only one, right? Passing the entry exam—not everyone could’ve done that.”

Keith shrugged. “I suppose. You don’t have to lift me up, I’m not jealous.”

The two boys smiled at each other before Ryan finally took a bite of his food. “Cute kid. I’ll be back.”

Keith rolled his eyes before continuing to eat. He’d be fucking lying if he hadn’t admitted to himself how attractive Kinkade had been. Deep dark skin, that complemented the warmth of his eyes and the roundness of his features, with full lips that held a dimple on either side of it, locs that hung right before his eyebrows. He could have been the boy-next-door in any magazine. It was safe to say was all. He was sure that he had already been a relationship. _Come on…_ Keith thought to himself… _why even bother to ask_? Not that he had wanted to ask…

Keith shut himself up by stuffing the last of his taco into his mouth. Just in time for Ryan to return to the table with another plate.

“So…were you squeezed into the Garrison LLC, too?”

“I’m actually in Hedrick.”

“Ah, honors building? Lucky.”

“Are you in the LLC?”

“No, no I lucked out too—I was approved for an on-campus apartment.”

“Huh, we’re privileged, aren’t we?”

“Save it, Kogane.” Ryan laughed shortly through his nose. “I had to live in the LLC last year. There was no AC.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. So, give me some respect, rookie.”

“You got them sir, my bad.” Keith laughed, biting into his corn. “That sounds nice though.”

“You ever get bored, come on over. God knows I’ll be.”

“Deal.”

“And…if you need help with Aviation. Just let me know.”

“I’ll take you on that, seriously.”

There was a slight silence between them.

“Where are you headed after this?”

“After this, I’ll probably just pick up my books, my uniform. You should come too if you haven’t already. Unless you have better things to do.”

“Please...”

“He sounds like he’s flirting with you, Keith.” Pidge said simply, her feet resting in his lap as she read on top of his bed.

“I don’t want to assume that.”

“Keith. He’s offered to help you with homework, have you over his room, and he helped you get your books and uniform, not to mention going out to lunch with you today— _alone._ Right?”

“Right. But isn’t that what the girls who you met do the same thing with you?”

“Fair.” She sat back and flipped to the next page of her book. “I don’t know though, I would just keep myself available. If you know what I mean?”

She took one look at him and was able to see his thoughts.

“Keith, you’re going to have to let Mr. Shiro go…I mean, come on, think about the opportunities we have here.” Pidge set her book down, removing herself from his lap so she could better look him in the eye.

“Everything is behind us now; you and Shiro, me and Matt—we can have normal lives. We can do things right, we can meet people who…who can give us what we want in a healthy way. Don’t you want to give yourself a chance at that?”

“…He said that he hopes that one day we can actually get back together…” Keith looked into Pidge’s eyes. “I can’t just move on, now…I mean. That has to mean something, right?”

“Keith…” She sighed.

Pidge, without ever knowing it, seemed to embody maternal comfort. The way she talked to him, the way she held his shoulders, felt through the roots of his hair. It was hard to forget that she had been the same age at times.

“He wants you to experience life. He said so himself—you have your whole life to live. Live it, okay? You never know who’s waiting out there. I think about now and I can’t imagine me having the same bond with anyone else, either….and I know that’s wrong of me. But this is life. I want that same bond. Just with someone else. We deserve that, don’t we?”

She sucked her teeth. “Promise me you’ll give yourself that chance. Please?” She held out her pinky. Keith sighed, wrapping his own pinky around hers before letting his wrist drop into his lap. She began to get her things.

“Well, I got to go. We have to get up early for breakfast so…but hey.” She held his shoulder and gave him an affirming nod. “Goodnight, Keith.”

“Goodnight, Pidge.”

Despite his opposition, that didn’t stop his mind from wondering. What frustrated him most was in the back of his mind, he could already envision the type of things Ryan might do, some of the things he might say. As much as he wished he could stop, he imagined Ryan’s full smile, dimples exposed and white pearly smile wide. He thought how he might sound when he let himself laugh aloud, how he might’ve sounded when he let himself cry. Already in the works, Keith could hear the sound of Ryan’s moans if Ryan had allowed himself too.

What Keith was beginning to understand about Ryan Kinkade; was that he was cynical—but most likely because of something that he may have experienced instead of naturally because he let Keith in, right? He, for sure, had walls with high expectations for anyone who was able to get past them. He appeared to have a testy nature, though this, of course, had been more out of fun than coming from a bad place, or so Keith theorized—it wasn’t easy to profile someone when you were thinking about whether they were a top or bottom, was it?

If anything had been certain, it was that he was beyond his peers. He was more mature, more insightful. Perhaps harder on them and himself than he should have been, but loyal. He could be quiet completely if he found that you weren’t worth his time. And that Keith had also been certain was from Lotor, who he hadn’t been surprised to hear that Ryan was working for.

Was there any inch of Lotor that could have been reflected within Ryan? As Shiro saw Keith within himself, was there anything within Ryan that Lotor himself saw? If so, Keith could understand Shiro’s falling in love so easily. It seemed that even if Keith had wanted to pursue it, it was sure to be some kind of trap. But would it be classic Keith if his body hadn’t betrayed him before dawn?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God bless the creativity that comes in the summer! You guys, I have so many ideas for this story and where I want to take it, but I've just been having fun with it so far, so I hope you have fun too!
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks! <3 <3 Much love! 
> 
> **That moment when you realize you made a Harry Potter reference in the last chapter, but Keith wouldn't have been able to know what Harry Potter was to reference it**

Guilt grew alongside his member. He tried to think of anything else—anything that may have helped to make his curiosity and his lust go away, but no matter the effect still remained the image of Ryan on top of him, smiling that faint smile as he did with his fingers tracing the outline of his mouth and jaw. He could see him leaning closer to him, feel his skin onto his neck and chest. In moments, Ryan transformed into Shiro, then into himself. And vice versa. Keith let his hand travel, his skin already sensitive to the touch as he let his mind wander. At times, the moment would change. First, it would be Ryan making patterns of kisses along his skin—then Shiro turning him onto his stomach. He could hear Ryan’s short laugh as his belt unfastened.

 

Shiro in his ear saying, “Are you ready Keith?”

 

“Are you ready, Keith?” Ryan would whisper.

Ryan and Shiro’s voice began to melt into one, Keith’s grasp tightening, quickening, his body tensing and releasing with the touch. He moaned into his pillow, his breath now shallow as he could feel how their strokes would feel. His body ignited when he reminisced the feeling of Shiro’s hips gliding into his. His body had remembered the sensation of Shiro grinding against him and how hard he had hit into his jeans. Keith could see Ryan lean into him, grinding just the same—then harder and harder until Keith could feel himself beginning to come. He let his head fall back into his pillow, swiping the come from off of his stomach and letting himself breath for a moment. Guilt settled in with satisfaction. He remembered Allura’s words, feeling his stomach drop a bit: _You need to live your life…._

  
Who was she to have known what Keith’s life would be? It was so hard not to be angry at her. Yet, deep inside, Keith felt it hard to stay mad at her as well—she could have responded in any way. She could have yelled, she could have been completely angry with him. She could have told his father…but…. she was nurturing. Strict, but nurturing, understanding, compassionate…

  
It was hard to stay mad at Shiro as well…All of his intentions were well, but…Keith still wanted him. Still, to this day, he thought that that had to mean something. He sighed, defeatedly, getting up and beginning to wash himself off. Okay, …he would play it their way. He would see where life would take him. For now, anyway…

  
He missed Luna. He missed holding her, and seeing her little face lighten up and giggle—her little arms wrap around his neck when she fell asleep. He missed feeling like, just for a brief moment, he had his own family. Something bigger beyond himself—something that depended on him, instead of him depending on anyone else. Keith sighed, looking out of the window within his final thoughts before going to bed.

“Lotor…you’re not going to get tenure proposing stuff like this into the curriculum…” Professor Ezor sighed, looking over the papers before taking a sip of her iced coffee. She draped her legs over her office desk, looking up at her best friend.

  
“It’s important to understand.”

  
“I’m not saying it isn’t—do you remember who we work for? Do you remember what year we live in?”

  
She waived the ‘USE CONDOMS’ chicken-scratched notes in front of his face, setting it back down into the folder neatly and taking another sip.

 

“Lotor—It would wreak HAVOC on this campus. You think our President would be satisfied with the Garrison, GARRISON program teaching kids about safe, gay sex? You’re crazy.”

  
She looked at Lotor’s furrowed brow before sighing. Defeatedly, she took her legs from off of the desk. She went to the coffee machine, pouring him a mug and passing him crème and sugar as he sat. She sighed once more before looking at him before staring at the door and leaning in.

“Lotor…you know I’d support you. I will support you and be behind you every step of the way if you’re serious about this. God knows there’s no stopping you once you get the idea…” His pout softened as she continued.

  
“I’m not telling you to forget it. I’m just asking you. If we were able to introduce this into the curriculum, what we even say? What would this follow under? Aviation?”

  
“Ezor…You know how many of my own kids are having unprotected sex? Do you know how many of my own kids—my kids alone come to me and tell me that they're closeted? But are sexually active? We can’t just sit here.”

  
“No—we can’t. But until we can win over the Dean, we’re going to have to. They’re going to look over these ideas and burn them in front of you if you can’t find a way to connect it back to the military. And mixing sex and the military alone? Good luck.” She noticed him looking at his watch. “When’s your next class?”

  
“In about 10 minutes.”

  
She sighed once more, biting into her lip and drumming her fingers against the desk.

  
“Look. I can’t guarantee anything. But let me make a call to Zeth and see what she can do, okay? She’s close friends with the President. If she can just talk to him about the idea—we may have a chance. Just...don't do anything Lotor-like until I can get the thumbs-up, okay?”

  
She blew a kiss to him before Lotor took her hand and begin to walk out. Before he left, he looked back and softened his tone.

  
“Thank you, Ezor. Really.” That was his love language.

  
“I love you too, Lotor. You’re welcome—and BEHAVE.” Ezor picked up the phone and began her homework.

 

“You look like shit…” Ryan nudged Keith, the two laughing.

  
“Thanks.” He laughed through his nose, looking at the time. He turned to Ryan. “Did you understand the reading last night?”

  
Ryan nodded faintly before explaining,” Schmidt’s textbook was what we used last semester too—when he’s not blowing himself, he’s actually a good theorist—but he’s basically explaining the five classic types of ships used in our current space exploration.

 

Cargo, combat, Beta—”

  
“—Deep Space, and Travel—”

  
“—Right, good.” Ryan smiled weakly. “As I said before, Schmidt is considered a pioneer, so he can’t help but love hearing himself talk…”

Keith laughed silently, drumming his fingers….

  
“—We don’t have to worry about a pop quiz, right?”

  
“Are you asking me as a fellow student, or….?”

  
Before Keith could explain, Ryan leaned into him. “Not today. Just make sure you actually annotate the chapter—study the lecture and your own notes and you’ll be fine.”

 

Ryan concluded in a rushed hush as they watched Lotor enter the room. “He can usually tell when a student copies the other. So, just for safekeeping—cover your own ass.”

 

“Good morning, students. Early as usual—I respect that.”

  
The students laughed, some taking out their notes, others waiting patiently. Lotor set out his stuff over the desk before looking over the room and clearing his throat. He assumed his usual position on the edge of the desk, using an empty seat to raise his legs.

  
Keith was beginning to become accustomed. After all, it was interesting to see how time aged him. How he seemed to be everything Shiro had described him, but more experienced—conditioned to the world around him.

 

“Alright, first and foremost—let’s see who read the chapter. Can anyone tell me the five classes types of ships according to Schmidt?” He overlooked the sea of usual hands.

  
“No, no—There are about 36 students in here. Give me someone new…. You.”

  
Keith looked around before Lotor spoke again. “Yes, you Mr.—”

  
“—Keith Kogane.”

  
“Well, Mr. Kogane?”

  
“Cargo, Combat, Beta, Deep Space, and Travel.”

  
“Good job, Mr. Kogane. And would you be so kind as to explain what each one means?”

  
“Cargo ships are ships that are meant solely for cargo—meaning gadgets, equipment, weapons, anything material for Garrison. Combat is the militant ships, Betas are prototypes, Deep Space is the explorer ships and Travel is used for faster pace ships.”

  
“Explain ‘Beta’ further.”

  
“Beta ships are early examples of the next ship models being invented and improved for deep space exploration. They rarely leave past the base perimeters.”

  
“Are Betas more or less dangerous than Deep Space?”

  
“They’re more dangerous.”

  
“And why is it that, Mr. Kogane?”

  
“Because Betas are prototypes—they are experiments with less-quality ship parts to test what to add to the next ship—”

  
“—And they can explode, stop completely or drift off. They might even fall out of orbit. See, children? See how easy passing this class will be? Good job, Mr. Kogane….”

  
“Good job…” Ryan mouthed to Keith. Keith smiled to himself.

 

When class was dismissed, Keith and Ryan were almost the last to leave. He turned to Keith. “Do you mind waiting for me? I just have to talk to Professor for a moment.”

  
“Sure, yeah—take your time.”

  
“Mr. Kogane!” His voice brought both of their attention forward, the two boys walking towards him.

  
Lotor was collecting his things as well. “A very good job in class today, Mr. Kogane…or do you prefer...?”

  
“Keith is just fine.”

  
“Okay…Keith. I see you’ve made friends with my assistant. And hello to you, Mr. Kinkade.”

  
“Hi, Professor.” Ryan nodded at him. Lotor hmphed to himself before opening his case and placing the rest of his notes in.

  
“When you had the chance, Mr. Kinkade, I wanted to talk to you about our assignments this semester. When do you think you’ll be available to discuss them?”

  
Keith was about to wait outside of the door before Lotor spoke— “Mr. Kogane?”

  
“Yes, sir?”

  
“Noone told you to leave yet.”

  
Keith let a short laugh escape through his nose. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry.”

  
Lotor turned back to Ryan. “Do you have a moment to look at your agenda? Here—”

  
As they discussed among themselves, Keith waited patiently. He thought about the way Lotor must have been when he and Shiro had been younger—he could envision the same attitude, but just a bit wilder. He could see Lotor without all of the formality and as paradoxical as he had been described.

  
“Keith…Mr. Kinkade is going to wait for you outside…but for now, I would like us to discuss today….”

  
Ryan brushed his shoulder past Keith’s with a friendly warmth before looking back at him and curling one end of his lip to form the classic faint smile. Keith did the same before turning to Lotor.

  
“Are you enjoying my class thus far, Keith?”

  
“Yes, sir.”

  
“I tend to leave the spectacle for outside of class, but I hope it’s not too boring. After today, after your brave volunteering—” Keith laughed through his nose. “—I expect to hear more from you. You know the information. But participation will take you further than accuracy in my classes. I believe you’re an Aviation focus, yes?”

  
“Yes, sir—”

  
“—Yes, I’ve seen your name on my advisee roster. Those meetings will be coming up soon, I would like you to report back and plan a day with me. But for the more pressing issue…”

  
Keith could feel his stomach beginning to knot again. Lotor studied him for a moment, Keith standing, averting his eyes to the wall.

  
“…You’re Akira’s boy? Is that right? Akira Kogane.”

  
“That’s right.”

  
“Yes, sir…you are every inch your father’s boy. How was he and ‘Lia doing?”

  
“They’re fine. Old.”

  
Lotor hissed playfully, “Let’s not repeat that in front of them. Though that’s what kids do. They make you grow up.”

  
“He told me how you and he used to be close.”

  
“He did?”

  
“Oh yeah—I’ve heard the stories…the races, the jacket…”

  
“Oh, please. Don’t remind me of those things.” Lotor tsked to himself. “Well, let’s not keep Mr. Kinkade waiting. Have a good day, Keith…”

  
“You too, Professor. Thank you.”

 

Keith left, looking back once more at the man before leaving the classroom.

  
“I told you he was a good professor.”

  
“Yeah, you did.”

  
“You’re hungry again?”

  
“I am, but…I’m kinda sick of the food already.”

  
“That’s exactly how I felt.” Ryan stopped them.

  
“Well, if you want—my aunt stopped by with some of her cooking. She doesn’t live too far from campus, so…we could also get a head start on Aviation work….”

 

Keith opened up the tamale, Ryan sitting down with his plate and grabbing two Slice sodas.

  
“I was this close from buying a case of beer, but…our country fucked us over.”

  
“Yeah...I know, it sucks.”

  
Ryan shrugged. “I went on the exact day that they changed it. I had never bought alcohol before, but I wanted my first case July 17th…. they guy said, ‘Sorry kid—haven’t you heard?”

  
Keith shook his head. “Well you don’t have to wait but two years, right?”

  
“Legally, yes.” Keith took a bite of his tamale as Ryan winked playfully at them.

  
“These are really good, Ryan. Did you say your mom made them?”

  
“My aunt.”

  
“Oh! Does your mom cook, too?”

  
The pause from Ryan made Keith shudder.

  
“I’m sorry, I’m an idiot.”

  
“No, it’s good. Honestly. You wouldn’t have known…”

  
“I seriously don’t think.”

  
“It’s all good. No worries.”

  
“…May I ask?”

 

“Cancer. 3 Years Ago.”

  
“My condolences…”

  
“Thanks. It was rough, but…” Ryan shrugged, taking a sip of his soda.

  
“If you ever need someone to talk about it with….”

  
“Thanks.”

  
“How did your dad take it?”

  
“I wouldn’t know. I mean, are you really American if your dad isn’t a piece of shit?”

  
“That’s the usual narrative.”

  
“My aunt took me in and she’s been trying her best. Her, my little sister and my grandmother are all I have left.”

  
“Well, cheers to them. And your aunt’s cooking.”

 

They raised their bottles together, Ryan smiling faintly.

  
“So, what about you?”

  
“I’m the only kid.”

  
Ryan hmphed as he took a bite of his food.

  
“Mom and dad both in the picture. I couldn’t really complain if I wanted.”

  
“That’s good—don’t be ashamed of that.”

  
“My dad and I are really close. Some nights closer than others. We connect but…forget it. It’s not important.”

  
“Some other time, huh?”

  
“Sure.”

  
Ryan nodded before taking another sip.

  
“So, any girl catch your eyes yet?”

  
Keith shook his head.

  
“Well aren’t we picky?”

  
“They’re pretty. But…” Keith averted his eyes away.

  
“Just not interested. How about boys?”

  
Keith looked up to see Ryan’s smile.

  
“Relax, I’m only kidding.”

  
“How about you?”

  
“Well, I’m not usually into boys. But…”

  
“Seriously.” Keith laughed.

  
Ryan hmphed once more, looking at the door.

  
“And what if I was, Kogane? Into boys?”

  
“Why would I have a say in it?”

  
“Because most people do—whether they don’t or not.”

  
“You like playing games. Don’t you, Ryan?”

  
“Guilty.”

“Shut up…” Keith took a bite of his food, the two laughed before he let himself sit back in his chair.

  
“You’re funny…” Keith said before taking a sip of his drink.

  
“Yeah, I am.” Ryan. “You’re blushing.”

  
Keith swallowed before having his stomach drop. He could feel the blood pooling in his cheeks, Ryan slapping the table as he laughed.

  
“God, I hate you…” Keith laughed to himself within his hands.

 

They continued on, finishing a meal before starting on their work together. By the time that they had finished, the sun had gone down. Keith closed his book with satisfaction, yawning before looking at the time.

  
“I should get going…”

  
“Want me to walk you back?”

  
“No, I’ll be fine.”

  
“Well, have a good night Keith. Let me walk you to the door.”

  
Keith began to open the door when Ryan closed it turning Keith around, and giving him a kiss. The kiss elongated, turning into something deep until Keith broke the kiss.

  
“…Sorry…” Ryan noticed Keith’s face. “I thought from our previous conversation…”

  
“Uh, no. It’s not that. I…some other time, yeah?”

  
“Sure.” Ryan complied. “…Was that proof enough?”

  
He knew it would make Keith smile. Keith laughed through his nose before looking down at the floor and whispering, “Goodnight.”

  
“Goodnight, Keith.”

  
Ryan couldn’t help but look a bit disappointed as he closed the door. Keith made notice of his eyes before quickly turning around and walking.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! You guys know the deal! 
> 
> Again thank you for your comments, bookmarks, kudos, honesty, and support!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My New Years Resolution is to write more. To maybe actually finish this story? 
> 
> Thank you guys, seriously. AO3 still blows up my email with the kudos, comments, etc. I still read it all, and I still appreciate both the critiques and praises of this story. But something I want to promise is that this story will conclude. It will conclude the way I want it to, and it will conclude with something that leaves me satisfied at least. With that said, thank you so much again for just tuning in!

 

“Please spare me the ‘I told you so’” 

 

Keith looked at Pidge, whose eyebrows held all of her energy. Everything else was still, hidden behind the massive ‘Biomechanics of Invented Beings’ textbook. 

 

“I didn’t say anything.” Pidge sounded as if she wanted to hold it in; her pitch was high, strained, her hands white-knuckled around the edges of the book. 

 

“Pidge—c’mon just say it. It’s gonna make you explode. Pidge? Pidge.” 

 

When Keith had pulled the book down from her face, he was taken aback by the excitement on Pidge’s flushed cheeks. 

 

She leaned into him and squealed, “I TOLD YOU SO!” 

 

“ _ Ssh _ —Pidge!” 

 

Pidge place the book beside her, careful to not lose her place and turned back to Keith. She took his hands into hers and looked him in the eye.

 

 “What did I tell you? What did I tell you?”

“Okay, okay—you were right. YOU were right. Okay?” 

 

Pidge calmed, laying back on the bed and crossing her arms under her head. 

 

“So what’s going on? Are you guys….” 

 

“Uh, no.” Keith nervously ran a hand through his curls. “I didn’t tell you it all. I shied away from the kiss.” 

 

“Keith…?” 

 

 After a moment, Pidge sighed defeatedly and crossed her arms over her chest. She stared at Keith until Keith couldn’t ignore her anymore.

 

“Pidge, I already told you—” 

 

“No, Keith.  _ I  _ already told you. You can’t hold out for him. 

It’s not like he wanted to. Really, he really didn’t want to hold out for Shiro. He knew that it would be a waste of time; he knew that it really wasn’t what Shiro wanted, and he knew that it was going to hurt him more than help him waiting for a married man. He fought himself every single day. There was an inch of him, a very small inch of him that defied everyone and himself with them. Because for some reason, despite all odds, he thought that there was something to wait for. There was a fear that as soon as he decided to leave, there Shiro would be, needing to be loved and nurtured again. He remembered what Shiro had said about falling. Truly falling….

 

_ “How it feels to fall in love?” Shiro scoffed, laughing a deep raspy voice, his arms wrapped around Keith’s waist as they laid in bed. He would like his lips and look up at the ceiling with glassed-over eyes.  _

 

_ “Why would you want to hear about that?”  _

 

_ “I don’t know.” Keith lied with a shrug. “I just do.”  _

 

_ Shiro sighed out a heavy wave of breath deep from the bottom of his lungs and sharpened it into quick huffs of air. He could see how flushed he’d made Shiro become. A red gradient fell over his face as he began to reminisce. Looking back on it now, Keith could have seen then and there that he hadn’t been over Lotor. He wrapped one arm around Keith tighter, the other rubbing his chest and stomach as he swooned.  _

 

_ “Falling in love…Keith, it’s…there’s no other feeling like it. It’s a mixture of fear; of excitement; of deep understanding of self. It’s like coming to terms with yourself that you’re about to something incredibly stupid. It’s the anticipation from driving with your knees—it’s...”  _

 

_ The sudden burst of air had made Keith chuckle as well; he loved to see the juvenescence return back to Shiro’s worn-out frown. He loved to see those eyes reanimate and widen with a newfound passion. His lips would curl; his hands would begin to dance to the rhythm of his own words. Shiro alive again was beautiful. Just beautiful.  _

 

_ “You know when you jump into the pool? Like the moment where you’ve built up the courage to actually jump, and you just watch your reflection grow and grow until you make impact with the water? That’s what that feels like. It’s the most tender feeling ever. It’s exhilarating; it’s wonderful, it makes you want to shit your pants if you haven’t involuntarily done so. I mean, to really want to give your all to loving someone. To just hope that they feel the same. Who doesn’t want to feel loved? Or needed?”  _

 

Who doesn’t want to feel loved? Or needed? 

 

He was met with the look of Pidge staring into his eyes. Her thin, oversized frames running down the bridge of her nose. 

 

“Don’t you think you deserve it, Keith? To feel wanted back? To be in love without guilt? To not hide behind closed doors or within shadows?” 

 

“I’m gay, Pidge. I have to do that regardless.” 

 

The conversation ended with Pidge gently placing her hand on Keith’s knee, closing her book, climbing off the bed and calling out ‘goodnight’ to him. It left him feeling…. alone. For once, he hadn’t been enjoying it. 

 

 

 

 

A mauve narrowed hand smacked against the obese file of papers, pictures, etc. with a satisfied yet disgruntled groan. Professor Ezor sighed through her curved smile, her porcelain eyes shooting over within Lotor’s direction with two little glimpses of promise.

 

 The glimpses of promise batted twice before she managed to speak out, “I have good  _ and  _ bad news...” 

 

“Okay, what’s the bad news?” Lotor nodded gratefully at the cup that levitated his way, a strong-warm hand on the end of it, sugar lumps and a miniature creamer following shortly after. Zethrid winked warmly at Ezor, who gave her a loving smile back before clearing her throat. 

 

“The bad news is that we won’t be able to introduce sex education to the curriculum.” 

 

“What? What’s the good news, then?” 

 

“There’s a way around every obstacle, baby.” Ezor winked. First lifting the file into her hands, then letting it smack down next to his coffee, Ezor opened the file. Ezor pointed to the first page, her nail clicking against it with a perkiness.

“You know what this is?”

 

Lotor gave it a more intimate scoping over, his eyes narrowing. “It’s the university’s code of conduct and safety regulations.” 

 

“Exactly.” 

 

“So—what about it?” 

 

“Sex or sex education within the military isn’t in here. It’s not recognized as a teachable subject. We can’t teach it, because by our own code of conduct, it’s making the students subject to ‘immoderate education’. The loophole around this is to introduce it to the code of conduct. If we can convince the board that safe sex education isn’t immoderate but necessary, and is something that is guaranteed safety for the students…” 

 

“Then we can teach it.” 

 

“Lotor, this wouldn’t just be introducing something into the curriculum. This would be introducing something to the entire university. Zethrid and I learned, ASU’s behind on this—San Diego, Orange, Santa Cruz, Portland State—they started theirs almost a decade ago. It won’t be hard for the council to see that we’re losing money by not adding this to the curriculum.” 

 

Lotor looked over the file once more; his eyes glazed over with opportunity. Oh…okay. Well, I have my work cut out for me then.” 

 

“Cut out for you? That’s an understatement. You’re going to be up to your eyeballs in paperwork. Lotor, you’d be building this from the ground up. You’d be head. That’s going to be at least a year’s work.” 

 

“Is there anyone that could help you with this?” Zethrid asked, leaning back on the wall, swirling her own cup of coffee before placing the rim of it to her full lips. 

 

“Students could always benefit from an assistantship.” 

 

“I have one, but he’s busy with….” 

 

Lotor’s eyes flickered once again as he looked up at Ezor.  _ Keith Kogane…  _

 

●

 

“Keith Kogane…you have to be one of the most stubborn boys I have ever met.” 

 

Pidge snatched up her belongings in one grab, the two grabbing their scraped clean breakfast plates and stacking them on the nearest rack before heading out of the dining hall. 

 

“You sound like my dad.” 

 

“Well, he definitely wouldn’t be wrong.” 

 

“Come on, we have fifteen minutes.” 

 

The two made their way down the stone steps and out and about to navigate through the campus. The summer sun had beginning to die, with an early autumn breeze slightly dancing through the locks of their hair as they hustled and bustled about. Pidge shook her head. 

 

“Jesus, Keith. There’s only so much someone can tell you before you have to learn for yourself…. _  look.”  _ Pidge turned to him. 

 

“I don’t get it. I think you’re screwing yourself out of a wonderful, and promising future with someone. But I can’t force you to do anything about it.” 

 

Keith tightened his grip around the straps of his backpack before looking down to the ground. “Thanks. I guess.” 

 

Pidge sighed through her nose. She pulled the end of the glasses back up the brim of her nose. “It’s not like I don’t understand where you’re coming from…I guess it’s just disheartening to see someone I care about going through the same thing.” 

 

She scooted in closer. “I felt like that towards Matt for a very, very long time. It takes time. For me, a little therapy as well. But mostly time—and I guess I can’t rush you through that process.” 

 

A distant girl’s call had caught her attention—Pidge turning around and smiling a cheeky, Pidge-ish smile before turning around to Keith. “I’ll catch you in a few, okay?” 

 

“Okay.” Keith gave her a weak smile, so it confirmed her leaving was okay. For a moment, it only seemed to be him again when he felt an arm wrap around his neck with a firm, cautious and playful grip. He smiled to himself as he could hear Ryan’s voice. 

 

               “Morning.” Keith writhed from out of his arms and gave the older boy a gentle shove. Trying not to smile, Keith replied back. “Good morning, Kinkade.”         

“Did you read the dissertation for Aviation?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“All of them?” 

 

The pause made Ryan laugh through his nose shortly, him burying his hands in his pocket. Keith put his own hands in his back pocket. Ryan returned to his militant posture, catching up to Keith and giving his shoulder a publicly hypermasculine pat. Keith looked his way. 

 

               “Hey…” His voice was in a whisper. “If I made you uncomfortable last night—” 

 

               “—You didn’t. Swear.” 

 

As Keith continued to walk on, he could hear Ryan following after him, his voice beginning to loosen up again. 

 

“Are you seeing someone?” 

 

The question caught Keith off guard. He stopped, losing his breath as Ryan caught up to see him in his eyes. Keith turned back around, Ryan continuing. 

 

“I’m sorry. I... I didn’t know. I promise I won’t do anything like that again” 

 

               He broke Keith’s heart. Keith wanted to turn back around and tell him that it wasn’t him. He wanted to tell him that he wasn’t actually seeing anyone, and that he was sorry for even letting Ryan think that for a second, he had done anything to lose his trust, but…. he just didn’t. He just remained silent; his hair covering his furrowed brows.

 

 Ryan stopped following him, the final whisper he could hear being, “We can just be friends. I don’t mind.” 

 

They did talk for the rest of the day, but it hadn’t been the same. There had been that underlining burden; the pressure beating on Keith’s chest. They had been studying all day; doing homework, going over key terms in the day’s lecture, writing study notes already (as Ryan had advised was better to do as the school year continued on—not the end) and another night of tamales and soda. Finally, once Ryan could no longer take Keith stroking the masa with the end of his fork. 

 

               “Maybe it would make you feel better if you told me about him?” 

 

               “Hmm?” 

 

               “Your boyfriend? Tell me about him.” 

 

               Keith slumped back into the seat. “Oh, right…” 

 

               Keith sighed through his nose. “He’s not…he’s not really my boyfriend.” 

 

               Ryan laughed through his nose with a gentle scoff. “What is he cheating or something? Have you disowned him?” 

 

               “…He was never mine, to begin with.” Keith looked up at Ryan’s confused look. “He’s married.” 

 

               Ryan nodded with compassion, his sigh escaping through his nose before he looked down into his food. 

 

               “I don’t want to lie. I just…” Keith sighed, his hands running over his face. “My best friend, she….” 

 

               He continued, not really sure of himself or what had been too much or too little anymore. He could see Ryan’s eyes staring, never hinting at his emotion. His judgement. 

 

               “Last summer, I broke my dad’s friend’s window playing baseball. This summer, I spent it paying it off.”

 

               He looked up to see Ryan’s disgust laughing shortly—weakly. “No, not in that way. He never demanded anything from me…In fact, he never demanded anything at all. I don’t know why I started to fall for him, it just—” 

 

               “—Happened.”

 

               “—His wife had left him, and it was just him for the summer, and I—my best friend, Pidge. She wants me to just forget about him. But I…. if I do. If we just move on, then that’s it…” 

 

               Keith could feel his voice breaking. He stopped, trying to compose himself, trying not to tear up in front of Ryan. 

 

               “Then everything goes back to the way it was before. And it just felt…so right.” 

 

               He closed his eyes, taking a breath out before letting himself open again. When he felt that the tears had been stifled back into their places. “Everything. Felt so right.”

               Ryan nodded silently, leaning in and against his hand. He looked into Keith’s eyes. 

 

               “And I presume this best friend, uh—Pidge? She sounds…” 

 

               “Right. I know.” 

 

               “But.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Keith. I really like you. And if you don’t feel that you’re ready to date at this time, then so be it.” 

 

                He placed his lips to Keith’s cheek, the two exchanging a gentle smile.

               “In the meantime, I’m grabbing the last tamale!” 

 

               They raced to the kitchen, their laughter echoing through the hall. 

 

\--

“Today, I present you all with a challenge.” 

 

His voice boomed through the classroom, making the students head turn forward with eagerness.  

 

“Those who pass this pop quiz may find themselves particularly lucky at the end of class today. But I warn you, time is against you. The first three students to finish their quizzes first, and pass will have a reward. I’ll pass out the quizzes.” 

 

His mouth curved a bit when he placed the paper face down on his desk. “There is no right or wrong answer. But this is supposed to be a measurement of character. And though I will be grading on completion, the answers themselves are more important. We start on our mark.” 

 

Lotor graced through, placing them face down on the desks, returning to his desk, collecting his hands and intertwining his fingers. He looked at the students as they looked to him and smiled with a sly, “Begin.” 

 

Keith froze for a moment before realizing time had started, racing his pencil to the first question and beginning to speed against the hourglass Lotor turned, the whisper of sand overtaking the classroom. 

 

_ Before any preliminary background checks on any space vessel, what are some of the things a pilot should prepare for? _

 

               Keith thought carefully; writing with himself in mind. Careful to not look up and watch Ryan or Professor Lotor too much, though he could feel staring in the far distance. As if Lotor had been anticipating his every answer. Questions like these continued, that focused more on self-reflection and human interaction in between roles on a vessel no matter cargo or beta. When the time had permitted him to do so, he looked to see the time, looked to see Lotor reading over his files and taking a sip of his tea, or beginning to write today’s lesson on the board and begin the lecture. He stopped at the final question, reading aloud in his head. 

 

_ Please list your availability for this current semester including all clubs and jobs.  _

 

               He looked to find Lotor taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes staring back at Keith for a brief moment before setting his cup down and crossing his arms over his chest. When the hourglass had called for time, all remaining pens and pencils made silent thuds against the desks. The sound of papers surrounding him as students passed theirs down, each student adding their contribution to the growing stack, organizing it with a gentle shuffle before keeping the traffic going. When Lotor ran his fingers through the corners of the quizzes, he smiled with a  _ hmph  _ through his nose, his eyebrow-raising. 

 

               “Ladies and gentlemen, I have some work to do. For the remainder of class, pair off into groups and discuss what you all had. You’d find that there are some things you can learn from your peers. And some things you can definitely ignore.” 

 

               Ryan gravitated to Keith, the two nodding to each other before whispering, others coming to their flock. 

 

               “Did you know about this?” Keith mouthed to Ryan, he shaking his head and shrugging. 

 

               “He didn’t mention this in our last meeting. You think I’m getting fired?” 

 

               The two laughed before beginning to discuss within their own groups. Lotor had been right; there were things to learn. Not to mention things to ignore—for instance, Aviation concentration Taylor Slade prioritized the importance of her fellow crew, promising to take care of them and bond with them. From firsthand experience, her father grew to make lifetime friends saving lives and allowing himself to be vulnerable enough to be saved. Leonard James, who was nearly a rival for Ryan in Long Range, mentioned the importance of license regulations. Some Navigation and Exploration concentrations mentioned that the obvious answers were making sure to know about the destination and all of what you can learn about its people. And for a while, Keith had been sure that that really had been the answer. He hadn’t been thinking about knowing where to go. Well, of course, that had been important, but he thought that was expected to be a pilot. He thought it had been expected of anyone who ever wanted to be apart of Garrison. You wouldn’t try to explore a city without knowing how to get there first, right? Yet, that sounded like the line of thinking that would appease Lotor. He was the kind of person to like ruses and mind games. You didn’t have five fingers, you had four fingers and a thumb. He had found himself particularly pleased by these little mind twisters. Keith hadn’t been sure if he needed that kind of thinking to survive the program or not, but at least he had the very simple principle of what would get him an A in the class. 

               It hadn’t been until the end of the class that the true answers had been confirmed. As students exited with their papers in hand, discussing among themselves their failure and where they had been wrong, Keith grabbed his things, Ryan waiting for him as usual. Lotor passed the test to him in a moment’s time. 

 

               “Ah, yes. Finally, Mr. Keith Kogane—here.” 

 

He nodded respectfully, looking at the paper and beginning to walk. His feet stopping in their track. He looked back at Lotor, the man’s clapping reverberating from off the classroom walls. 

 

               “Sir?” 

 

               “Congratulations, Mr. Keith.” 

 

Keith laughed to himself a small chuckle through his nose, continuing to stare at the green check over his answers, heavy underlines under a few phrases and words, a few question marks in other places, grammatical green corrections over chicken-scratch notes. 

 

               “I don’t understand.” 

 

               “It is not about answers, Mr. Keith—it’s about the method used in answering them.” 

 

Keith grabbed onto the paper, some of the words translating to him— _ Good, but elaborate, intricate, articulate, interesting _ . 

 

               “You clearly demonstrate critical thinking in a way that would be most helpful to me.” 

 

               “Sir, if you don’t mind me asking—” 

 

               “Oh yes.” Lotor gestured for the test, looking back down at question 3, his eyebrow-raising as the end of his lips curled. 

 

“Meet with me—” His eyes scrolled over the answer. “—Tomorrow around noon to talk about an assistantship. Mr. Kinkade, we have matters to discuss anyway, so you should join him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This usually is just a hobby for me. But I am getting closer to understanding my writing style, improving it where I need to and giving myself where credit is due. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the patience--any attention!

**Author's Note:**

> You guys, thank you so much again for everything! The kudos, the comments, the love, the honesty--everything! I can't make any promises on whether my updates will be timely, because [insert self-deprecating joke here]. However, I will try my best! 
> 
> But I hoped you enjoy regardless! Much love <3 <3 <3


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